You have a pretty good handle on some of it. Not really even sure what happiness looks like anymore. Closest I can imagine is the state where I felt great and actually wanted to get up in the morning while things were going well with that gal.

Get lied to quite a bit on the job. Not just defendants, but attorneys as well. Simply stated, tend to not trust people.

To a certain extent, my grandfather and my father were similar. I went to the wrong schools, etc. My last contact with my grandfather was in a nursing facility where he yelled at me and accused me of being worthless. He died a few days later, interestingly, he was so problematic that I think the staff waited for some hours to even check. He tended to be verbally abusive and could be physically abusive to my grandmother. They were from a generation that didn’t get divorced. He was, despite bragging about things, not very astute. Her adoptive father was a very well-to-do gentleman farmer in Illionis who had offered to buy up tracts of quality land down in Florida to provide investments for them. My grandfather didn’t want to be indebted to him (ironically, my great grandfather would probably never have missed the money). Needless to say, bad call.

Had some serious stumbling early on in my working life. Looking back on things, I can see that my problematic people skills really hurt in academia and the workforce. Needless to say, I did not make the most of going to an excellent undergrad/grad school.

Have been reading that book on learned optimism. Never realized how much a lack of a sense of control over one’s life can really mess with you.

Kind of turned to work as a means to get successes, and, it would seem, to hide from other issues. The sad thing is, I don’t really get joy from the successes there anymore. Come to think of it, life is pretty much devoid of joy.