I just read part of your last post and have to respond now, before reading the rest, because of my emotion: I read till the point of the success in the courthouse. That must have been June 8, the first court case. I am filled with joy to read the results: how fortunate it is that your father did not refute your statement and did not ask for a lawyer and so the results are that he is not allowed near the house for the next three months, not allowed to live in the house for a year, (did I get it right?)- and treatment for your sister and your mother was instructed. I am so impressed by you! You are indeed my hero! I am delighted.

As far as the “But he did not..” responses from the consultations elsewhere, unfortunately it is not surprising to me. This is why I am so glad the court event was as successful as it was! The “But he did not hit you/ threaten you/ insult you etc..” is the common minimizing-thinking regarding a parent’s abuse. This is what people do. These very people who minimized your and your sister’s abuse minimize the abuse they themselves suffered from their parent/s, and they minimize the abuse they themselves may be inflicting on their own children! And so business as usual is that the parents are protected and children are not.

Now back to your post to read the rest. I read a couple more paragraphs, and again filled with emotion- regarding your mother protecting your father, protecting the abuser and not the abused children, just like I wrote above (before reading about your mother)- business as usual, protecting the parents, the adults, not the children.

… I just read the rest of your post (couldn’t read the whole thing at one time, it is so … too amazing to take it all in at one time). As to your last sentence: it is you that is awesome, and I am awed by you! As you described your mother’s behavior I was analyzing it in my mind, as I read, and before I knew it, you came up with what I believe to be the correct thinking about what happened. The amazing part is that you, being personally involved in the situation, are able to see reality so clearly. I have never come across someone like you in my communications online or otherwise.

All this time that you thought you knew her motivation, all this time… I am thinking on my own now (in addition to agreeing with your conclusions)- she was not the passive, weak victim after all. She was passive but not a victim. I am thinking: maybe she didn’t have to rage because he did the raging, and now that he is gone… someone has to do it. She didn’t abuse you and your sister .. because he did, and now that he is gone, someone has to do it.

Having him out of the house, she felt distress. In the past he relieved it for her by proxy- his raging, his abuse of her children. Now that he is not there to do it for her, she “has to”- so suddenly the cat box bothers her. And she starts an episode, a raging episode.

What a situation, what a development… my mouth is open as I type this, my heart racing a bit faster. This is almost unbelievable and yet so believable.

Please do post again. I would definitely like to follow what is happening in your very rare situation, made rare because of your input, your participation, initiative, clear thinking under stress-

anita