Dear JournoGirl:

You wrote above that you don’t understand why he knew about the affair for months but said nothing, being “nice as pie” to your face- well, I understand why. I understand because you already established in this thread that your husband’s way of being is to burry his head in the sand, to pretend like all is well. This was his behavior from the very beginning, before he knew of the affair. How he reacted to the affair is consistent with his behavior all through your marriage.

When he feels distressed, what he does is to pretend there is no distress. He won’t talk about it, start a conversation. He won’t express his distress. He will act as if nothing happened.

But of course, something happened so he can’t fool himself for too long, his anger is not gone. So he wasn’t physical with you out of hurt and anger. And when he can’t take his anger and distress anymore he threatens to leave and he leaves, so far temporarily.

He will probably return and continue the same behavior. And then you will both be pretending.

Would you like that to happen? For him to come back to you and both of you pretending? Do you want to pretend?

anita