Dear HippieChick:

I know very well these kinds of urges, all to well. I know the draw to … once again ask it, once again state it, and that calmed it for a while, if I was lucky, but soon enough, here is that urge again and it wants to be verbalized, pushing through those vocal chords: say it! Say it!

At least this is how it has been for me.

This is why I am putting this in past tense: the urges are not even close to how strong they were, most often I don’t think I experience those anymore.

The way I did it was to exercise force- not say it no matter what. It was like stopping a moving car by pushing in the opposite direction. Doing that, I learned that when I am very adamant about not saying it, when I give myself no permission to say it, no matter what, the urge calms, as if it says to itself: what’s the point of pushing, she is not opening the door (mouth, really).

So I stopped blocking the urge but giving in to “just this time, and “it makes sense to say it in this case because…I blocked the urge no matter what. No negotiations.

anita