Dear tmeinke301:

I understand that you are attached to the young children, maybe like a mother would be. You want the best for them, not wanting them hurt by you leaving their father. I’ll come back to this in a moment.

Your boyfriend is angry at his mother and for understandable reasons, I have no doubt. He doesn’t show her appreciation for her help with his kids because he is angry at her and has been angry for a long, long time.

He doesn’t respect his ex because he is angry at her too. And he doesn’t respect you… because he is angry at you too.

This anger is not going away by itself. It would take him being willing to attend psychotherapy and then attending it for a long time, doing hard work there before his anger dissipates. Until then, he will keep being angry and expressing his anger at you, bullying you like he is doing now.

No matter what a good wife you will be, no matter how hard you will try to please this bully, he will keep bullying you. He will keep bullying you because he is angry, from a long time ago, way before you met him.

He… can hardly help himself. Even when he sees that you deserve a compliment and he is trying to deliver it… he can’t do it without dressing the compliment with something derogatory (” It takes a rare occasion for him to give me any sort of compliment and when he does its usually somewhat derogatory).

You are getting married to a bully whose anger has nothing to do with you but you will continue to suffer from it. Back to the children: they already suffer from his anger and will continue to suffer from his anger whether you marry him or not. When they observe you submitting to him, trying to please the bully, they will learn to submit themselves to the bullies in their lives, or to bully others themselves.

You don’t want to teach them that, so don’t marry their father, please, for their sake, if not for your own.

Please do post again. I would like to communicate with you further as there is a lot of unnecessary suffering for you, for his children and for possible children you may have with him, suffering that can be prevented now. I would like to help you prevent all that.

anita