Hello,

I am sorry for you mental struggle in such delicate moment (one month before the wedding). Of course, none of us can know the ‘whole picture’ cause I am aware you only brought up the negative stuff here, and that why is hard for any of us to be supportive of something that doesn’t sound good at first place.

Marriage is more than a union of love, it is a social union too, one in which you get the home, family, sense of belonging. Women especially need to ‘belong’ in such a union because 1. we need to feel safe, protected by someone stronger than us; 2. We need to ‘nurture’ someone and be needed and loved. We love the safety of the family home.. it comes from ancient times. While men went hunting, women stayed home to bring up the children and take care of the domestic issues (some of that environment and mind set is still bit left in our genes,a s much as we try to be feminists 🙂 )

It looks to me that finally, you got your instant full package- you are in relationship, you are needed in the home and for the children, the social pressure is off- you are over 30 and you seem settled… So the ‘hyenas’ in the neighborhood can stop talking 🙂 Yes, the guy can be sarcastic, not supportive sometimes, and unpleasant in occasions.. but who has it all anyway? you have to settle somewhere, we all do settle as much as we deny it..

I am not advising you what to to, just I want you to ask yourself few questions starting what if… 🙂

What if you were 25, the house and the children didn’t exist, you had a stable job and your own money, and he is still the person he is now.. and he proposed? Would you settle for the nagging if it didn’t come with the package of the whole social union, and you were on the other side of 30? 🙂

If you decide that you love him for who he is, with all his flaws, and you can live with them if they came without the house, kids, financial stability, than it’s fine I guess… But if not, than give yourself another run of thinking at least. Marriage won’t last much just simply as a social union, without the true and unconditional love, respect and support. Finances change, children grow up, public opinion stops to matter. What is left in the core of that union is you and him, and the bond you share. That is your only guarantee that you will marry only once and for the right person.

We can’t argue that it’s not pleasant for everyone being over 30 and single (though i know a lot of people i adore that love every minute of their single life), but even a possibility for divorce is much more painful than the ‘single’ experience. So at least ‘buy’ yourself some time… postpone over ‘technicality’ if you are not 100% sure (I know you think- what does she know, money and people are invested in this 🙂 )

However, whatever you decide, I wish you all the best. Always love and nurture yourself too, the way you do for others. Sorry for the long post, I can’t keep things short I guess 🙂