Dear shannon13:

First thing you need to do is stop abusing him, that is: stop yelling at him. Never yell at him unless he is driving a car and about to crash into another. Then yell: Stop! That’s about the only kind of an exception, an emergency situation, an accident about to happen.

Then watch your anger: do not direct it against him. That is abuse.

Your distress, your needing to start professionally from the beginning, other things, all these are understandable. Express it to him… without attacking him!

Express your emotions- you are an emotional person, so express those to him but take responsibility for those emotions. Don’t express them to him as if saying: I feel distress! It is your fault! Now what are you going to do about it????

Express your emotions and listen to his. You are both distressed. You need each other’s comfort. You are not the child and he- the parent. if that was the case, then the parent would have to take care of you but as his wife, not his child, you need to see him as a fellow sufferer, not an all-powerful parent like figure.

He needs comfort just as much as you do. He needs your comfort, you calming him, making it better for him. He is like a boy needing comfort, just as you are like a girl needing comfort.

Please do post again:

anita