You are right. I should apply the blunt force side of me to just sever the matter. Still hurts though. For the first time in a decade, I thought I had found a match. Was prepared to give fully of myself, time, and resources. Feel like I am an idiot for letting my self get blinded by the deep feelings I had for her. Kind of scares the hell out of me. At least the relationship did not reach the physical stage.

As I am trying to improve emotional awareness and insight, have been trying to figure out the why behind such behavior. Is it a sense of power to jerk people around emotionally to get something from them? Ultimately, it seems like a losing strategy. People get tired of it. Even people naive to such things get tired of it.

Right now, she’s in her early 30’s and cute and svelte. She would turn a few heads walking into a room. Would probably have no trouble finding somebody who would shack up with her in exchange for working on projects, etc. however, she’s not always going to be young, cute, and svelte.

Why would somebody choose manipulation and games over a relationship? Of course, maybe I am just too much to put up with… But, seriously, apparently not just me. Is it fear of commitment? Is it some species of sadism where people get their kicks out of playing emotional games with people who care?

Seems like such a self-defeating behavior. Yes, you may get something out of the other person, but at what cost? Some people, like me, just walk away hurt and asking why choose so little as opposed to so much. Other people have far nastier responses, the least of which is beating the snot out of someone.