Dear pixie:

I re-read your previous thread and the answers to your question “why can’t I just end it?” are:
1) You are afraid he will not cope without you, that his mental health will suffer and maybe he will harm himself and that if he does, you will be responsible for it.
2) You feel that if you end it you will be admitting that you failed in this marriage.
3) You are somewhat attached to him after this more than a decade relationship, attached to him and to the marriage.

I sure hope you take this job, moving away from him and yes, ending the relationship. These are my reasons:

From your examples in the previous thread, he is far from being a good partner, husband. He is not even a good friend. He doesn’t listen to you, doesn’t remember what you shared, no matter how important to you these things are. He got together with his friends on his birthday while you were at work (how rude, and after cancelling a get together with you included!) He reached out to you for support when he needs to and otherwise treats you like you don’t exist.

I am thinking he is quite selfish, an it-is-all-about-me kind of a person. If he really needed you for his well being, why isn’t he SEEING you when you are there, present (except when he is desperate)? If he needs you so much – that without you he will fall apart- why is it that he got together with his friends on his birthday, you not included?

I think that you believing he needs you much is a delusion, a false belief.

When you leave him, you will not be there with him. When you are with him, you are invisible to him. What is the difference for him?

Is it that he wants you there for his desperate moments only? Is that a good reason for you to stay with him, as insurance for his desperate moments?

anita