I’m confused, Its not that I was willing to ignore what had happened, the kiss, I just wanted to move past it, I didn’t know what to do because I’ve never been put in a situation like that before but I knew I didn’t want to give up I wanted to try with her, I want to be able to look back on that conversation and see the beginning of something big for us and not the beginning of the end because it feels like that right now. When I look back on it it makes me mad because it just looks like she wanted to leave like she didn’t want to try with me, she didn’t even put up a fight she was just okay, I can’t say that I made her happy because shes gone, I can say that shes confused because thats what she told me, I can also say that its a little too convenient for you to have someone fly out to you, kiss them and then decide that you don’t know what you want anymore especially when you have someone that wants you and is trying to get to you, I can say that I was texting her when they met, that she felt awkward and I tried to tell her to relax, I can tell you that everyday I blame myself and I don’t really see any getting out of that.

I’m trying to see what the real problem in the relationship was, Was it too good? Were their not enough fights and arguments? We communicated too efficiently? I see all of this as being not like her, as something that completely blindsided me and surprised me so much that I still have trouble drawing breaths when I try not to think about her. I want to contact her, I really do but I don’t think it’ll fix anything if I ever do. Like I tried, I really did, I told her that I wanted her that I damn near needed her and she just walked out of my life and I feel like she pretended that it hurt. I feel like you’ve read into it, or maybe just the way you phrased it, as if she was the victim, as if I never tried to understand and communicate what was going on, then and anytime before. No, If she wanted to go and we had problems with our relationship that would be something I can accept and move past but I feel like I was being lied to. Like I was being used and that makes me question my own self worth, That’s what gets me because it just seems, because of how everything was left like shes seeing someone else and I was just someone that was there.