Dear Icy:

When I first read the diagnosis of BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, I thought bingo, perfect fit. I read it for the first time in my mid/ later twenties. Without mentioning this to my first competent therapist in 2011 when I was 50, he diagnosed me with BPD and based his therapy on this diagnosis. It was CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and Mindfulness.

For 30 years before this official diagnosis I very much displayed the behaviors to the extreme. At this point, five years of heavy duty healing, guess what- you may not believe it possible- but I no longer fit the diagnosis, not at all. I am still anxious (went for a fast walk outside to relax after I posted to you before) but no BPD behaviors, not even inclinations. How is that possible…?

We are not born BPD or even anxious, not more anxious than any other baby. We become these things because of emotional injuries suffered as children. This is why I use the word Healing, healing from those injuries.

Everything about us is physical. Everything we feel involved chemicals. So when we get injured, when we are scared repeatedly as children, when we are abused, chemicals are involved.

There is no healing in taking drugs. There simply isn’t and couldn’t be. When I got off drugs I too was worse, but that was not because the drugs helped me, but because I got addicted to them. I felt worse when stopping drugs than I did before taking drugs. It is the addiction, the dependence on these drugs.

Almost bed time for me. Post again, please. Didn’t talk about the problem you brought up on this thread yet, the second job etc. Maybe tomorrow?

anita