Hi, Lucas,
Thank you for the courage to share your story and to heal your heartaches. Your questions are difficult, for the answers will be unique to each and every one of us and for each and every situation we face.

I, myself, once spoke up to an adult friend with whom I acquired much personal growth through our personal exchanges. That said, I also endured a number of hurt feelings because she would often resort to name calling and once when I gave her a gift that somehow touched a bad memory for her, she snarled at me “What the hell am I supposed to do with THAT?”

I finally realized how silent I’d been when she was acting in hurtful ways, and when I finally did choose to talk to her about it, she became defensive and didn’t want to accept what she was doing. For me, I chose to allow that friendship to shift. We are still friendly toward one another and I am grateful for all the time we had together, but I no longer choose to spend much time with her. That has been hard in some ways bet very freeing in others.

I have heard of people who, as adults, confronted middle school or high school classmates, who had no recollection of events that were hurtful or some who felt badly about the way they acted toward others. Only you know how your relationship is with your current friend. Has he changed? Is he now acting in supportive and kind ways toward you? If so, he may have matured and not be aware of how his actions impacted you. If he is still acting in hurtful ways, only you can decide which way you want to move forward.

As to how to rebuild your sense of confidence, you do what you are doing: reaching out, researching, and reflecting on the things that you want and those that are important to you. And then you act in loving ways toward yourself.

All my best, Journeyer,
Yours in hope, healing, and happiness,
~Annah Elizabeth