Analisa,

Please don’t torture yourself. There is no way you could have known. You are only adding on to what is probably the worst feeling a human being can have.

I know this means nothing now, but they say that all humans have a baseline level of happiness. Grief and despair clouds our baseline, but no matter what happens eventually we will return to our baseline. They say it’s about three months. Hang in there. Let others help and support you.

In the meantime, practicing awareness can help start to tame some of the thoughts you are having. Listening carefully, following your breath (noticing where you feel it the most), and even wiggling your toes can really help with staying out of your own mind and develop some much-needed peace. Anytime you start to feel your thoughts begin to add on to the pain, just cut them off. Don’t get caught up in them.

It also may help to learn something new, such as a language, drawing, or an instrument. I know it’s hard to imagine learning at a time like this, but I have found when I am learning I am not thinking about what is bothering me. Even just a few minutes reprieve from your thoughts to start can really help. Then these stretches can start to expand, and hopefully eventually you will find yourself back around your baseline.