Aballa,

It is alright, what I went through has taught me lessons that I wouldn’t have learned otherwise. As I’m sure you have as well.

It was difficult to leave. All of that time I had built an emotional investment, it could be called a dependency even, that had me feeling much the same way- knowing that the relationship was toxic but not wanting to give up the familiarity. Even reasoning couldn’t get through for the longest time. But eventually it’s just deciding what is best for you and what is needed for you to grow.
So I would say, sit with your feelings of missing him. Experience them, but don’t act on them. It’s a process, but you’re already away from him, and that’s the largest part of the battle.

You’ve got this!
Manda