Dear naturelover07:

These are my thoughts, my understanding about the reality I see in your post. Let me know where I may be correct, and where not so. I will be typing-as-I-think:

Your father was abusive. Your mother was emotionally unavailable and mean, at times, that is … somewhat abusive as well. You are a young child, not yet an individual, mentally. Your identity is a fusion of your mother and yourself (you identified with her, not with your father).

She is not empathetic to you, doesn’t consider your well being, doesn’t see your pain and fear as you hide in that laundry basket, and otherwise, day after day, year after year.

In that one Unit with her, you make up for the lack of empathy coming from her. You make up for the lack by having a lot of empathy for her. There must be a certain amount of empathy in that unit of identity and you produce it all.

You grow up in years but the unit is still that unit. If you separate from that unit, through healing, you will be redirecting your empathy from empathy to your mother to empathy for yourself and you will then be acting for your own benefit in the choices that you make.

If you separate from that unit of identity with your mother, you will see her as she is and then you will see you as you are.

anita