Dear hangdo:

It seems to me, from reading his email, that he is a decent guy. This is a good thing. Now, let’s see what he communicated to you:

“the distance thing is an issue and it would not be fair to either one of us to split our heart a cross continents.”- this means he is not interested in a long distance relationship. Since you are living in Vietnam and he is living in the U.S., he is not interested in a relationship with you.

” I currently do have a girlfriend in the U.S., but she lives in my house”- this means he has a live-in girlfriend. And although he doesn’t see a future with her, that is, he believes his relationship with her will end, it did not end yet. He is currently in a relationship, not with you.

“As I told you before, I hate planning things and you even told me not to say anything or make promises that might become compromised.”- this means he is not planning to travel back to Vietnam, to meet with you again, in Vietnam or in the U.S., or elsewhere. He is not planning on seeing you again. It may happen, but he is not planning to see you again.

” I do not want to tell you, ‘ yes!, Let’s be in relationship,’ because it would not be fair to you. I’m sorry that you met me”- he is telling you: let us NOT be in a relationship. And he is sorry if this hurts your feelings.

” Like I said before, ‘you kill me,’ because my mind is so torn between what I want to do (be with you) and what I have to do ( go home and work hard to pay off my bills).” At the time, when he was physically with you he wanted to stay with you and not go home. To me, this does not mean he is still torn, present tense. It means he had a very good time with you before, in the past.

” I have a high sex drive and I like a lot of sexual things, but I think that you are very conservative sexually.” – I think he is pointing to a problem in his mind, that you and him are not sexually compatible: that he is adventurous that way and you are conservative. If so, this is a LACK of a motivation for him to be involved with you as a boyfriend/ girlfriend.

“I think we should keep in contact… We should not commit to anything, because we do not want to disappoint ourselves remember”- he wants you as an online friend but no indication of more.

“As you have said yourself, never rely on someone else. You are #1 and do what you have to do to get what you want.”- he is saying, I believe: Don’t rely on me. And he is wishing you the best in your life, your life separate from his.

“Wish you were here now”- means he would like it if you could magically appear in his location, so he can have some alone time with you. It does not mean he is willing to do anything at all to make it happen. He used the verb “wish”- like wishing-upon-a-star, a passive verb. No indication of being willing to do anything active to make it happen.

What do you think of my analysis so far of his email? Take your time contemplating it.

anita