Dear naturelover07:

It is impossible to be hurt and not suffer the consequences, to be hurt and not feel angry, and then, for the anger to not be expressed. When you are stabbed, you bleed. You can’t help but bleed, metaphorically and literally. So when you write that ” I have become very defensive so I can come off as very, judgmental and passive aggressive.”- is it a wonder? Could a person who was hurt, mistreated not suffer and not show the consequences of the mistreatment?

You wrote: “I picture just taking my hand down my throat(in a metaphorical sense of course haha) taking it deep down to my core and just pulling out this bag of negativity garbage.” This “bag of negativity garbage”- well that is what happens when you were hurt by your parents as often as you have- you are left with that bag of negative thoughts, feelings and experiences. You are not responsible for that bag being placed there, inside you.

Unfortunately, only you can get it out by the difficult, slow process of healing.

When your mother called you elephant, what is that? Parenting? No, it is nothing other than abuse. Offense. No wonder you are now defensive- it is a consequence of having been attacked by the person you trusted, needed, looked up to, for protection and comfort.

Yes, I grew up (or “grew in” more accurately) in a dysfunctional family, my mother mistreated me too.

I think it is a good thing you ended the relationship with your boyfriend. How can we know what a healthy relationship looks like, sounds like, feels like if we didn’t grow up with such? We know we were hurt as children but we don’t know, really know what happened until we heal and see into what was.

When we see what was, we also see what is.

Hope you do post again.

anita