You’re Anita, yes healing is the key. I like how you used the term “grew in”. I have often felt emotionally stuck in the past so growing up isn’t always the most appropriate term. It feels as though I was emotionally stunted at one point? I don’t often look at pictures of my past because I can see that sadness in my eyes. During some research, I came upon a healing technique in which you carry around a picture of your childhood self. Often times growing up with dysfunctional support, children like ourselves didn’t get the validation and support that we deserved and so badly needed. So every time I experience a moment in life that I can feel my inner child in pain, I need to be there for that inner child and look at the picture and remember that i matter and deserve love as well! “I matter” has become a common mantra that I use. I used to drink a lot to numb the pain (addiction runs rampant in my family so that is another biological struggle that some self awareness has brought to light) but have worked on healthier habits such as yoga and meditation. I have worked hard on myself this past year but it hasn’t dissolved that “negativity bag of garbage” I was talking about.
It really is time and patience I suppose. I feel like i have so many answers but so much difficulty manifesting them?? My inner strength is there, showing its face in brief moments of time. But my weak ego overrides all. Inferiority complex again maybe. It’s almost paranoia!!Are you close with your parents now? It’s like this subconscious shame that I carry around in the pit of my belly all the time. Shame and unworthiness are my most prominent emotions. I have become very interested in spirituality and the universe as well. I love talking about that stuff to people but I find a lot of people more interested in practical matters and whats the most popular thing going on right now. I have found that as I continue to grow, I LOVE genuineness and it’s something that I often find myself looking for more and more each day. I don’t care what job you have, what car you drive, what you look like. If you are a genuine person, I dig that. If you have a different perspective and are willing to share space with my perspective, I love that so much. I love dogs too, they are my kindred spritits : ) I can make any dog putty in my hands hah I feel like my dream job would be to work at an animal sanctuary or a shelter. Even helping other people like me. Ive always loved the John Lennon quote where it is important to look for the helpers, always look for the helpers. With sensitive souls like ourselves, it’s so easy to get caught up in the negativity of everything. But there are always people helping. Like you Anita! I very much appreciate your perspective on this thread.