Dear hangdo:

First thing: when he called her his ex, he lied.

He told you the reason he lied: “did not want to complicate things at the moment.” It means he wanted to make it easy for himself, simple. He wanted to get together with another woman, or women, this is why he joined a dating site. He intended to get involved with another woman or women while being in a relationship. He didn’t tell you because he wanted to be with you without having to explain himself and without risking you not wanting to be with him (because he has a girlfriend).

So he lied and that was unfair to you. He misrepresented important information to you, information you had the right to know.

And in the email to you that you quoted above, he did not apologize. He did not admit he did something wrong. This indicates to me further, that indeed, he is not a decent person.

Second thing: when he wrote,: ” I love her, but am not, “in love” with her”- what did he mean, this is what you are asking me. I heard this term- love but not in love- many times. What does it mean… I am thinking what it means is that he feels something for her, a caring, wanting her to be okay, but he is not excited by her. I believe what it means (from other information you provided about the guy) is that sexually, she is not enough for him, not excited by her.

And this is why he looked for other women in the dating site (and otherwise..?), so to experience the sexual excitement that is missing from his relationship with his girlfriend.

anita