Dear Denise:

You wrote: ” I wonder if it is possible to make love stop coming to you when you are not looking for it,” as if love is a person that is “coming to you”. As if you are passive and love is active. The point I am making is that the best way to live is as an active participant in your life: you direct your own life. If you are not interested in a relationship at any one time, then you don’t engage in one. You don’t have to get into a relationship just because a guy comes along who is interested in you. You choose Who, When, Where, What, and Why.

When you actively and thoughtfully choose the Who (the guy), the What (nature of the relationship, what kind…) and the Why (your relationship goals), then you will engage in love in which you do believe and not in the kinds of love/ relationships that you don’t believe in, that are not a good fit for you.

anita