Dear XenopusTex:

It is quite natural to cheer about bad things happening to people who hurt us, at least a short-lived kind of cheering… wonder how many people who act so kindly are hiding that inner cheering while saying something very appropriate. I mean, when you get hurt, you naturally want to either run away/ withdraw and/ or fight, that is hurt back. So watching the person hurt is some solace.

There is always a valid message to what we feel and this is what emotional intelligence is about: figuring the valid message. In the case of my first paragraph, the message is not that you are a bad person for feeling this way and it is not that you should behave in a hurtful way to her just so that she will be hurt. The valid message is that a person naturally gets angry when hurt and so, you are human.

The fact that she and you share a disdain for people means to me that the two of you were significantly hurt by people you trusted in your individual lives and are quite closed… although you definitely opened up, cautiously, to the possibility of connecting.

Curious about the thread you started, will go there next.

anita