Dear Choccocoffeewine:

I would say moving closer to your mother and siblings is not a good idea for you or for your kids.

Next, I’d say- no longer moving is a good idea for you and for your kids. I would suggest to no longer be so compliant with your husband regarding moving. Before the next: “Sure we can move”- think a moment, and don’t say it. Instead start a conversation with your husband, one that would lead to more. Tell him just what you wrote here. And start a conversation with the intention that you will not come to a solution or a resolution at the end of that one talk.

It will take conversations, thinking in between conversations, coming up with things to talk about next. Examine the well being of each one of the four of you. Look for motivations. From what you wrote, your husband himself is not that happy with the way things are. So maybe everyone is sacrificing for… whose benefit?

Look into this: is the way things are going and have been going, is it working for your husband? How? What if his workaholic ways are about distracting himself from anxiety, like a mouse on a wheel going around and around. Are the lives of the four of you invested in a … distraction?

Hope you post again.

anita