You are very right regarding that, Anita. I’ve always accepted and confessed that she was extremely soft, gentle and forgiving. Nobody else would’ve put up with so much atrocity from me… not even my own family. Nobody but me is responsible on that front. I tried my best to make up to her and make her happy after the initial incidents last year. But this possessiveness issue totally ruined everything. I don’t know if I can ever fully make up to her for that. I just hope the pain I myself have been suffering from almost 5 months can serve as some humble penace.

I don’t deny that there are enormous social/familial expectations for Jerry (or probably any girl) in the Indian society. When she was too frightened to accept even a physical gift from me or the possibility of meeting me someday, that becomes more important. I’ve always had a feeling that under her exterior anger, she’s actually afraid. Afraid of what exactly, I’ve not been able to put my finger on. You voiced my suspicions. That said I still am hurt by her sister’s words because I never meant ill for Jerry in that manner, not that I have any right to defend myself when I know how much wrong I myself have done. I felt she’s going happily about her life because I saw her running our Facebook page, posting on our forum and other things we once used to do together. I could be wrong of course.

My question is how to proceed from here. I have promised her that I’ll never let my feelings come between us and keep our bond platonic only… but she doesn’t believe me (for good reason). What can I do, honestly? Put my promise down in writing and sign it in blood? Carve it with a knife on my arm? Honestly, I am willing to do anything just to have her back.. to make up for everything I did. No matter how wild or unimaginable, I’ll do it for her.