Livelovelifeeleni, thank you for your encouraging words! It means a lot that you took the time to send so much positive energy my way. 🙂

Anita, you are so right about my ex being a Gmork, suppressing my spirit and my creativity. I know I allowed it to happen, but it was difficult for me to look after the children and fight against the Nothing at the same time, so I chose to take care of the children. That’s just the way things were. Now that the kids are grown up, things can be different. It’s funny how I subconsciously gave up trying to make the marriage work when the younger child was almost 18, nearly a legal adult – I didn’t even recognize the significance of the timing until I looked back at it later.

Now I’m facing the difficulties of a habit that was instilled in me in childhood and reinforced during my marriage: I will come up with an idea that I like, one that excites me, and then immediately start telling myself all the reasons why it can’t work and why I’m not good enough to even try. Of course I base these hurtful comments to myself on real-life concerns, so they’re harder to argue against. In the case of combining fantasy with healing, I don’t know how to structure it in a practical way, or what form it should take, and my negativity is keeping me from seeing things clearly. I’m tired of doing this to myself. I need to take a chance on making this work, if for no other reason than to break that habit. It’s just going to be a bit of a struggle, trying to figure out how to turn the idea into an everyday reality.