What doesn’t make sense is that we had interacted for about a year before. She had seen/heard me verbally torch people in the course of my job. I can’t figure out what made this one different from the others. Not saying that verbally torching folks is good, but can’t figure out why she would be nervous about that incident compared to others.

First lunch had together was great. That was where she wanted to spend a weekend with me out of the country. Did hit some rockiness when she later said that my schedule probably wouldn’t permit it.

To go from indicating an interest in spending a weekend away with me to treating me as if I was invisible still amazes me.

Maybe I am putting more blame on myself than I should. The last communication I had with her was a lot of her complaining about how she doesn’t like the people out here, the lack of things out here, the lack of easily accessible cultural events, etc. Basically, the area was too backward for her liking.

I have backed down on my verbal aggressiveness though. Not sure if it will do any good for anything or not. My reactions to stuff have been such for so long, I am not sure at this point that changes at this point will really matter.

Been in a good bit of personal conflict over whether my views on life are correct or not, or whether it matters either way.

There