Dear Chau:

Welcome back to your thread! Good to read from you. You asked why you didn’t notice the red flags in your past relationship, why you trusted people who didn’t deserve your trust. On July 5 you already answered this question: “the coping stategy that i once adopted as a child, being mute or trying to place the blame on myself so i can rationalize the abuse that was done on me as a child, is all too similar to how i placed the blame on myself in this situation.”

So you didn’t ask for the reader’s answer. I am giving you your own answer.

Then you wrote, last post: “I have been neglecting them or even rejecting their care since this incident happened, kind of want to push them away.”

Children/ adult children get it backward. It is the parents that neglect and reject us when we are children. As a result we learn to not expect comfort from them, even reject them as a prevention strategy, preventing the expected rejection by them.

Recently a peson asked me regarding a problem I was having: did you talk to family about it? People don’t realize that most often family, parents are where the problems originated and so they are part of the problem, not of the solution.

Hope you are sleeping now, or will sleep soundly, soon.

anita