Dear Nina:

I do hope you find a therapist who you will connect with. Many therapists are not competent or empathetic. It doesn’t make sense to see a therapist unless she/ he is on your side, has your well being at heart, a therapist who cares for her patients, who works hard, gives them her all. Nothing less will do, so hope you have high expectations of a future therapist.

When we get so little love as children, when we are mistreated as if we have no value, we learn to expect this from others as adults. I used to choose to be with abusive people when I was a teenager and a young adult because when I was with them, I was not with her. And anyone else, in comparison to my mother, was way better. I didn’t know what it was like to be treated respectfully, I just knew: this here is not THAT BAD.

So I am thinking your view of this man in your life is probably way more positive than in reality. Not-as-Bad perhaps…?

Honor your emotions. Each one has a valid message. No longer pretend anything, like you did as a child. No more pretending. Insist on seeing reality as is.

It has been and is a long road for me but I keep going and going.

Hope you post again and again…

anita