Thanks Anita, you have given me some hope! It sounds like we have gone through similar struggles, especially when it comes to the relationship we have with our primary caregivers. It’s hard to rewire the brain after going through some physiologically damaging moments, especially repetitive moments over the years, not days or months, but YEARS. You can try to believe that you are enough however when you repeatedly receive the message that you are not, how do you not give up and retreat inwards? Especially as a little girl? An HSP at that, if you are like me. I hated children’s books where the mother was so loving towards the child because to me,that just didn’t exist in my world. It was phoney and over-exaggerated. And maybe to a point, I was beyond jealous. My dad was over to my place the other day and he literally got so mad that we thought he hit our mom more than two times. Its like A)you shouldn’t be proud of the fact that it was only twice and b) I am your kid!! quite putting me in the middle.(PS it was DEF more than twice, cute his incurable narcissism). I do have more positive emotions towards my ex than negative but I don’t think true love is one of them. He reminded my inner child that once again I am not enough. I am there and I can give you a white picket fence ,but still I am not enough. I would rather be single and happy that be in a relationship that makes me dislike myself even more. I dont need a perfect relationship. I would rather be poor with a genuine man than with someone who wants a “perfect family”. You are alone throughout your whole life. You may have various connections throughout your lifetime, some stronger than others. But at the end of the day, we are each our own little pieces of the universe. Only we get to truly experience our lives to the extent that we do. And then we can share that with others if capable. As social creatures, it can hard sometimes in a non-genuine world but self appreciation is the key! Nothing like some challenging relationships to help you figure that out. I really like that Carl Jung quote “No tree can grow to heaven unless it’s roots have reached to hell”. Hopefully therapy can help!! Fingers crossed! Take care Anita, thanks again for your insight.