Dear Isra:

This is what may be going on, let me know if I am correct and where I am not correct:

You rationally understand that this relationship will end in a year or so because of distance of colleges the two of you will attend and difference in long term goals that are too great to be compromised.

So you figured, rationally: it makes sense to continue this relationship for a year for fun.

Problem is, your emotional sense is not good with the plan: to keep the relationship going for fun. It makes sense to you to keep it going for fun, but your emotions are not cooperating with the rational plan.

They don’t because you don’t value FUN as a motivation for an intimate relationship with a man. You value long term plans, the real possibility of a lifetime future together, as a motivation for an intimate relationship.

So there is a conflict in you that is causing you distress: the Rational vs. the Emotional and your Values.

Now to my proposed solution: the Rational is really … not rational if it doesn’t take into account your emotions and your values. So the plan to keep the relationship going for fun has to be dropped. Also, keeping your conflict to yourself and not telling him is not working to your benefit either. You need and value honest communication with an intimate other. So you need to tell him the way it is for you.

It would probably be better for the two of you to end the bf/ gf relationship at this point and attempt to be friends. See how that works. This will relieve you from your distress, end the conflict and will give him the time to adjust to the ending of the relationship before he goes to college. It is better that when he does go to college he will be freer from his attachment to you. He will be able to focus more, on college and new friends if by then he will be used to the idea that indeed his relationship with you is over.

One more thing: you are emotionally attached to him, so it is going to hurt you too, to end this relationship. You may be surprised that once you end it, if you will, that you will miss him and may feel great sadness, immediately after or some time after. Expect that as a possibility. Some distress over may to follow you for a while. Hope not, but possibly.

What do you think?

anita