@anita @dreaming715

Thank you both so much for your replies.
Anita, I feel like you hit the problem spot on.

I have always known that I did not like dating for fun. I value actual potential for a lifetime partner, and so the moment I determined that was no longer possible for us, my feelings changed dramatically… I feel deep down that we wouldn’t work out and that there would be better partners for him instead of me due to what we both want out of life.
The rational side of my mind is upset with myself because there is no ‘logical’ reason for us to end this when it’s going alright, and there’s no certainty that one of us won’t change our minds and the possibility for a future together could happen. The things we differ on- he wants kids, I don’t; he wants to settle, I want to travel; he’s a realistic pessimist, I’m more of an optimistic idealist- there’s no telling if those things will change or not.

But I guess in the end my intuition has told me that I’m not the one for him and vice versa… that we probably won’t change our minds and that it might be best to let this go so I can focus on my dreams and potentially find someone who shares my goals during or after college. And that’s where I’m at a loss, because he still has hope for us while I do not, and so it’s hard trying to figure out whether I should wait and keep trying or try to convince him this isn’t what’s best for us… I don’t want to just give up, but I can’t stay true to myself unless this is discussed. Unless he can convince me that there really is still some hope, my emotions will not cooperate with our current plan.
I haven’t communicated this to him even though it’s been going on for about a month now, and that is my fault, but it was because I thought I was fighting for us when in the end I’ve only been fighting myself… it hurts to realize this. So hopefully today I will get a chance to tell him what’s been going on and see what he thinks we should do from here… if he really feels there’s still hope I don’t want to let go, but if he admits that he doesn’t think he will change either, then we’ll seriously have to consider taking things down a notch for a while.

Thank you so much for the help. I feel like you laid this out perfectly and that I finally understand why I’ve been so confused lately. I’m trying too hard to hold onto something that my heart isn’t actually invested in anymore, and for my health both mentally and physically, I need to tell him and trust that he’ll cooperate to figure out what’s best for us both.
I guess it’s just hard considering I have the worst timing in the world. Not only are we almost at one year, but my birthday is this Friday, haha… dumb reasons to not say anything though, so I won’t let that get in the way.
Anyway I really appreciate this and I’ll probably come back to report on how it goes later.

-Isra