Hey JohnKnowles1, I definitely don’t mean people pleaser! I often struggle with people pleasing and don’t necessarily feel phoney because I do like helping people. It can get hard though to draw the line though between my needs and caring for others in a healthy way. I know what you mean by that feeling of phoniness in yourself though. Its like a chameleon complex!

This is very true Evan and I am not here to judge anyone, everyone has their struggles!! Lordy knows I do haha. Its that difficult balance of being kind but protecting my space as well. I guess leading by example is a good way to do it. I have a pretty heavy heart with the way the world is now a days. I don’t believe I am some martyr that is out to change the world but its hard sometimes when you see a world with so much potential and yet there is so much suffering.. yah know?

Anita, I guess by phoniness I mean certain people that are almost more concerned with… status? We are all human and it’s difficult when someone treats someone poorly because of their job or their religion or what have it. I know it shouldn’t bother me too much but it sometimes it does. Status is a concept as we are all the same underneath it all. I think I struggle a little bit with idealism. Again, I am not here to act like I know what is the best way for everyone to live (and I am definitely not perfect myself!!) but damn. Every time I turn around, people are sippin the haterade and it seems so phoney to me! It’s almost like putting somebody down to make themselves feel better is the norm. I have certain friends and various colleagues that will be nice as pie to your face until you leave the room. Then watch out. I need human connection as much as the next person but it’s hard to tell who to trust somedays with that. Even family!

The more I write the more I recognize I need to put up some better boundaries haha. That would be new to me! Based off of unhealthy relationships I had with my parents, I believe I have developed some possible co-dependent habits. Im working on figuring out who I am outside of just making other people happy. Its hard to change old habits though, thats for sure!