Dear Peter.
First things that come to my mind reading this:

You need people around you to help you through this. You need to find out which place that is. Is it close to your family? Or in Berlin where there must be others that know how you feel and could support you.

I find it overwhelming reading this and I can relate to your feeling in many ways. You might need to focus on just one thing at a time. F.ex. build you up mentally through some hobbies/interests while job hunting. Then you´ll get your mind of the future which is making you anxious. What I am doing now is outdoor activity. It´s terribly difficult but it drags me out of bed because I have people with me in the “dragging” part.

I also feel powerless and useless and feel like I really don´t fit in. But I am trying to find my skills and my foundation. I gathered all my happy moments. Moments with close friends and family, moments travelling, moments challenging myself on a mountain top and try to dig in that and focus on for a while what makes me happy. The future is there, but I am not doing myself a favour thinking about it.

To whom are we useless and powerless? Can we just not care and just do something that makes us happy? Just focus on building up the self worth and then the rest will follow? I don´t know but in my case it´s worth the try.

All the best 🙂
Inga