Dear Peter,

Anita makes good points. You are trying to run before you can walk. I sense that you feel under pressure to “run”, get a job, have a social life, a girlfriend, etc. I understand work, relationships etc are a moving treadmill and we can feel threatened to be left behind. In my case, I was left behind and am still behind 🙂 The world didn’t end 🙂 Maybe the old life has be let go completely before a new one can come about. Surely it can only come about when we feel serene, without problems, without anxiety, a feeling of strength that is not “self-worth” or any of that stuff, since the self is only the past, put together by thought.

Myself, I know problems cannot be solved by analysing them, but only being aware of them completely, which means not avoiding them, not seeking entertainment or rushing to talk to someone every time I feel anxious or confused. The confusion or anxiety means there is disorder in me, which is the burden of the past that I have not dealt with, and also the constant focus on “me”, my happiness, my life, my “self-worth”, and all of that. Both of those have to be dealt with. I had a very isolated and lonely teens, which resulted in my feeling so low that I became an alcoholic. Thankfully I stopped at 26 and am 8 years sober now 🙂
I always thought the old life ended when I stopped drinking, and that, like I said above, a new life would appear. But it hasnt magically appeared. I have not dealt with the disorder of my teens, which still haunts me in the form of recurring dreams, where im isolated and alone, just like i was in those years. Small wonder im isolated and alone today. I am also unemployed, so cheer up, you are not alone. I dont have a girlfriend either. You probably have things I dont have, like skills. But Im not miserable. I know its a crazy world, so I dont mind if i have to stand alone in a wilderness while I become aware of the reasons for my isolation, which ive touched on above, namely, being unaware of the burden of the past which has not been dealth with and therefore understood. Surely, only understanding can cast off a burden like the past. Also, as i said, as long as im constantly thinking of myself, my loneliness, my past, then im bound to isolate myself and be unable to healthily join others in economic and social life.

One other thing, and in this we are alike again. I also felt the need to be “creative” or talented in some way. We live in a competitive society as you know where people feel they are worthless if they are not special or unique in some way. We are not happy to just be ordinary. I was just like that, so are most people. Everyone wants to stand out and excel in some field. But i eventually saw the ugliness of that in myself, since everyone cannot be special, and that surely what is important is a harmonious world where people don’t suffer, have enough to eat, animals not being tortured etc etc, not my own shoddy, petty little desire to be admired by peers. Once I saw that, I was happy to be simple.

So I wish you the very best, I hope I have not given any advice, other than as Krishnamurti would say, to be “a light to yourself”. You have a journey to walk for a time, dont be afraid to be alone with your problems, dont run away from them if you can. Try and observe them, not analyse them, since they are really you rather than separate things, and also tra and be aware of your past, which got you here, and why you came to feel hurt and anxious, and if there was a better way you could have dealt with it than being hurt. I thought others were responsible for hurting me. If abuse is very severe, that of course will be so, but in situations that are more long term and chronic, there was things we could have done better, ie not being hurt through feeling sorry for ourself so much. Whichever, I truly feel we cannot just “release” the past as an act of will, it must be understood and then slip away of its own accord when the disorder has been understood and thus made orderly.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by brian.