@anita:

Thank you again for the help. I guess the thing I forget as that some things are able to be compromised. I keep forgetting that compromise-able things are the things we want, not really the things we need. Not changing the things I need/my comfort zones is not selfish of me and any guy I end up with needs to respect that or find someone else.

It is indeed taking a lot out of me, but I believe it’s only because I have let it go this far… I let this happen. And now it’s my turn to fix it. I will take care of myself starting with not beating myself up for having the needs that I do. If I am different, that doesn’t mean I have to change to go with the majority of people I’ll ever meet… that is the last thing I should ever want to do.

I believe what I’m going to do now is lay down the line for him and just give him the facts that I currently interpret, both about myself and the relationship as a whole. He has agreed to look at some things I wrote down and hopefully it will sink in that he shouldn’t be waiting for me to change, just as I am not waiting for him to change. If he is alright with that, we will re-evaluate where we are before college starts and determine whether to end it or go through with long distance. If the relationship still isn’t strong enough by then, I will have to end it.

Also, so that I do not hurt myself further, I will keep track of my emotions over the course of the next month. If I do not feel any better about doing this, I will leave. If I do start to feel better, then I’ll know I made the right choice. I think it will be a win-win either way. (At least I’ll know I didn’t give up from the start.)

Thank you again for your help in all of this. Today is my birthday, so I’m leaving these worries to rest and carrying on with my life now. I’ve dwelled over these things for far too long and I think it’s about high time I crawled out of the shell I built up.

-Isra