Dear XenopusTex:

You mentioned before that you are sometimes aggressive at work, with verbal communication. And then you are passive at home, with your mother and passive with some others as well, accepting more responsibilities than you have to, as you wrote above, trying to please others.

Being assertive is a crucial skill in the field of Emotional Intelligence. If you were assertive with your mother she wouldn’t be standing at your door telling you about news you don’t want to hear, she wouldn’t be going through your personal things when you are at work; she wouldn’t be living there with you.

And so the aggressive, passive prosecutor is not assertive.

Social convention aside, in reality, I believe, you owe your mother nothing at all but a month notice to leave your house. She wasn’t a good mother to you and if I remember correctly, she wasn’t even present much in your life. You moved far away from her, and as you wrote, you were “stupid enough” to bring her over.

It is courage required of you, the courage to get her out of your house. Give her a Notice. What is the downside for you, if you give her a notice? Is it that people will disapprove? People in town? They are not paying your bills though, so what if they disapprove?

Is it that the people in your family will disapprvove? Why does it matter? What is the use of you working as hard as you do, earning descent money, if you feel powerless to decide who doesn’t live with you!

If you feel guilty about giving her Notice, well, you already feel crappy, might as well feel guilty and get her out. This way you will feel so much better later.

anita