I guess I’m also my own example here. Being in the 20 year relationship that was repeatedly hurtful and unsuccessful I chose to see only the hope of improvement, when there was overwhelming evidence that it wasn’t going anywhere but hurt. Previously you had mentioned this may have been a reason for my anger (post from a while ago), as it was trying to relay this message to me. The same was true when I was in the abusive bipolar relationship. In that case however I was so determined to get away from the 20 year guy’s cycle I ignored the indications of his personality disorder even though I was well aware of what his medications were prescribed for and what his behavior was indicative of. I certainly had the flight signal blaring out loud, but I stayed and ended up in the fight instead.

So yes, I remember all of these things and denying that voice that knows better. Its also a reason why I try not to get involved in other people’s situations even if I feel like they need some kind of enlightenment.

Recently I’ve been trying to understand guilt and ultimately shame. I mentioned feeling these briefly as this guy of 20 years displaced his personal guilt and shame on me, even though I personally had never felt it before. I’m happy to say now free of him, I dont feel these things about myself or actions as they were never really mine. However the more I try to understand these concepts the more it seems common place for people to carry deeply rooted guilt and shame that have huge effects on their behavior and actions towards others.

I had a wonderful early education at a school (13 years of it) that really taught us to understand all sides of a story, regardless if we agreed with them or not. I remember being seriously defensive of my opinions in my early adolescence, then after some great teaching, I have always been aware of thoughts from other peoples perspectives. My own was always subject to change the more aware I became. So it is difficult to see people unaware or becoming aware so much later on after other issues arise from it.

It still difficult for me to fully understand guilt and shame, but its something I wish i knew how to deal with when it comes up as people become more aware of theirs. I feel like you must face those things to move on, but at the same time it seems so easy to let them stew below the surface. I wish I knew how to recognize if one is carrying shame especially. I feel if it isn’t something they can become aware of it just gets thrown on to someone else.