Dear Peaceatlast:

Well, why don’t you tell her why you have been avoiding her, the truth as it is, no excess words, no apologizing, no vagueness, just tell her specifically the reason. As calmly as you can and in a matter of fact way.

Then wait. Listen to what she says. It may be a good idea after she responds to tell her that you need to think about her response, then get off the phone and think about it, talk to another about it, maybe even post here for feedback (I will reply). You may need time to evaluate and process her response, to understand it.

After processing it, you can decide on what to say on a second conversation. If there will be one.

And then maybe a third. Or not, depending on whether she responds to you with honesty and whether she is accusatory and blaming and such. In case of the latter, best you continue to protect yourself from her by resuming no contact.

anita