Dear @anita, thanks again for you insights.

There is a need to go back to your childhood because there is a scared little boy there, waiting to be rescued and YOU are the hero he is waiting for.

This makes a lot of sense. I am no longer being mocked in school or controlled by my parents, so I don’t have to rely on others anymore. It’s just so hard catching up on social skills that I missed in my teens. I am doing a bit better, but I’m still far from being confident in even my daily activities. I’m now celebrating a month of vacation with my family, but I’m terrified of going back ‘home’, alone. Slowly though, I am getting better at it.

As my psychologist said: you have to be your own healthy adult, and guide your inner child. This image helps me a lot. One voice in my head responds to emotion (child) and the other voice then asks what is good for me (parent).

You will understand that there was nothing wrong with you; that there is nothing wrong with you but fear. With Empathy for yourself, with the understanding your difficulties stem not from a faulty character, but from fear and fear alone, you will practice these things that you need to practice: empathy, gentleness and patience with yourself.

Every time I hear something like this, I get the feeling that I should give up on any ambitions I might have. I just can’t. This directly contradicts my feeling of wasted time, that I should act now, be brave, pick a damn goal in life already and go for it! It’s not just fear, it’s also indecisiveness. Maybe that’s a result of fear. I can’t decide what I want, and that’s why nothing happens. Even today, I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do with my day and as a result I feel I’m wasting time again, increasing my anxiety. I could be studying programming, I could be writing, I could be practicing my drawing or do marketing for my voice acting – but mostly it’s Facebook & worrying. Maybe I need to find a life coach.

Still, thank you for the kind words. I am trying very hard to be patient and empathetic with myself. I am trying to find out where I feel well, what is good for me. What I want and what I could give up on. It takes so much time and energy, but I have no choice but to hold through.

@brianjf

When you have hundreds of people in animation that you know and who are successful, so-called, its going to be hard for you to walk away from that.

It sure is. In fact, I don’t know if it’s possible. I could plan to give up on this kind of career, but some of them are very good friends, and why would I abandon them? Abandoning things has been a pattern in my life, so I won’t. But I am trying to, as you say, let go of the expectations of others. In reality, others even don’t seem to have many expectations of me. Some of them expect me to continue organizing and arranging things, because I’ve been doing that in my last 2 jobs, while what I really want is be creative. So you’re right there: it’s hard to reset people’s image of you.

Would be great if there was a way to try different careers again. Be a teacher for a while, work with animals, do woodworking, try something completely different. I guess that at our age, that time is gone. But I’m considering a way to make the creative parts of my life into hobbies, and find work in a different area.

Are you on the right road for you? Are you happy, even though you say you have no friends and no job? It sounds like you have become a very strong person, and I really admire you for that. But what I’m wondering is: is stepping away from your ambition not also a step away from purpose? Isolation, although sometimes necessary, does not seem constructive in the long run.

I will take your advice in allowing myself more time. But I already worry about how much time it should be.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Peter.