Hello Struggling. I have a lot of the same issues with my mother…although she doesn’t pull the “pity me” card.

She is a kind person, but is fundamentally selfish. For my own sanity I have had to distance myself both physically and emotionally. Recently I started doing EFT so I could get rid of some of the negative emotional blocks I have regarding my issues with her and I’m finding more peace.

I would suggest the following: 1. You can’t give what you don’t have so pretending won’t help. 2. Find a way to set some boundaries so you can give ONLY that which you are capable of giving; 3. It sounds like you all sort of enable her behavior so maybe think about whether this is really serving her or if you have all fallen into this trap; 4. How she treats your father is not your issue, your problem or your responsibility as he is a grown man.

Overall, just accept she is NOT the mother you want her to be. She will NEVER be the mother you want her to be. Do the best you can with what you have and what you can give.

I limit my time and my conversations with my mother. I am not at a point where I can trust her to really be there emotionally. But, she does the best she can and I have to accept that this is all she is capable of. It sucks. But, its life and if you keep trying to be somewhere you aren’t you’ll just keep being pissed at yourself. Forgive. Forgive her and forgive yourself. BUT….that doesn’t mean give her anything and everything that makes her feel comfortable. Figure out what you need to keep the relationship at a place where you can handle it. Trust me…I get it. I don’t want to feel the way I do toward my mother, but it is what it is and healing takes a long, long time and sometimes never comes. Good luck 🙂