Dear XenopusTex:

You convince yourself and others that you are indeed a people person, that you are interested in healthy relationships with others by taking one small step at a time in a deliberate manner.

Contact the woman you had lunch with and find out the reason there is silence on her end after she was enthusiastic to have the lunch date with you. If she tells you she thought you were not interested because of the way you appeared or what you said, let her know that you are interested and that the way you appeared or talked has to do with years of having (not completely) given up on the prospect of having a healthy relationship.

Share a bit at a time about yourself with an interested party, like I hope the lunch date still is, or may be again.

Share a bit about how you feel, your thoughts, the cognitive dissonance you mentioned, and wait for the listener’s reaction. If it is positive, share some more. Also get to know more about her. Ask questions. Do so respectfully. Be humble, you are a beginner in this. Be prepared for a learning process.

Selectively, gradually, one step at a time, get involved with another. Evaluate, post here anytime (I will give you feedback) and proceed.

anita