Dear Katie:

I am glad you are back to your thread. Even if you ended all contact with your mother, you would still need to go through a long process of a mental separation from her. You suggested in the last line that you hope to separate from her while remaining in each other’s lives. The way to do it, other than in the context of psychotherapy, is to pay attention in your interactions with her to how you act around her and how you react to her. Paying attention, also known as Mindfulness is a necessary skill I started learning in therapy. Can’t heal without paying attention.

We normally act and react automatically, without being aware and so we keep the same old same old, not healing, not moving forward, not making needed changes.

To make needed changes in your interactions with your mother, pay attention- it is mind boggling what you find out when you notice. Some of the interactions with your mother are unhealthy. Identify them and change them.

Maybe you can keep a journal with notes of things you find out by being mindful daily, to your relationship with your mother and with anyone and everyone else, even interactions with strangers.

Hope you post again and again.

anita