Dear DGOC25:

I read your post slowly, absorbing it the best I can. I believe the issue is Attachment. You are attached to him. Nothing new to you, is it? You know that you are attached to him. But what does it mean, attached?

A child becomes automatically attached to the parent, the main caretaker. The baby, the young child does not evaluate the parent, does not ask: is my parent qualifies for me to be attached to her/ him? Is it a good idea? Is it for my benefit? No such questions. The child becomes attached to whomever it is that is there to feed it and protect it from predators. It is an evolutionary trait. The emotion of attachment is there to motivate the young to follow its mother into the woods so to increase its chances of survival.

And so, you got attached to this man. You didn’t ask: does he qualify for me to be attached to him? Is it a good idea Is it for my benefit?

Just like you didn’t ask when you were a child. A good idea would have been to ask yourself these questions, at 22, as you got to know him. But you didn’t. Now you know it wasn’t a good idea but the emotion, the attachment is still motivating you to be with him.

It is not rational. It is a biological thing.

You were in the big city for the first time, at 22. He was older. You were drawn to him because something about him made you feel safe. Unfortunately, he was not safe.

What do you think so far about what I wrote here?

anita