PLainsong,

I read your former post and can understand why you hold this perspective.

What’s the point? well only you can answer that. If you cannot find any purpose to change because of the past, than that is your decision to make. However change is not something that you do, i believe its something that happens. There is no reset button on life, the past is just that. You cannot change the past, it has inevitably made you who you are. But you can change and improve your situation so that history doesn’t repeat itself. In regards to being judged and avoided, you do not need to seek the validation of others in order for you to change. If such validation means so much to you then you shouldn’t change for yourself, but others. This is just a hollow change, a change precipitated by the need to be desired, the need to be accepted and wanted. Don’t you love yourself? Who says you are unworthy? The people at your workplace? Look, whether life is meant to be hard or easy, actually comes down to the individual and what purpose they design for themself.

What’s the point? You know i have heard many people say this on these forums and honestly it gets me a bit down myself when they type those three words. Because to me, it’s like you have forgotten all the other aspects to life. You forget the subtle things in life, the way the trees sway in the wind, the feel of grass under your feet, the joy you can get from watching a movie, the taste of your favorite food. The simple pleasures in life are not expensive, nor are they life changing, they are reaffirming of everything in this world. Your whole entire focus has been on your past, and a single mistake with a coworker (based on your previous post). From there you have extrapolated your self worth based on the actions of another, you have extracted your purpose based on another and you do not see a logical reason as to why to change based of a single event. It might be more than this, maybe you feel you messed up a couple of times. The past is going to just keep dragging you down if all you ever do is look at yourself through the past. Why not start doing things you enjoy? Why not stop allowing something, which has no physically entity, beating the crap out of it. You cannot punch your past in the face, it doesn’t have one. SO stop trying to. Everything that has a beginning, has an end. This is the universal truth about everything, nothing is meant to last.

You are right, the story will never change. But the perspective does. There are so many classic literature books which when they were written sucked, like they were utter crap and didn’t sell. But over time people’s view on such stories changed, and what once was crap turned out to be pretty decent. My point is that you have linked your identity with your past. We all do, however you do not have to make your past your identity. Surely you had good times, surely you were exhilarated and found joy. We are all transformed by our previous experiences, this does not mean we should allow it to be more powerful or control us. If you cannot value yourself, why would you expect others to? If you think you are unworthy of love, i would love to know what you think ‘worthy’ would be. If you think you are getting passed over, than what are you going to do about it? Just take it? You know, crawling up in a little ball in the corner of a room will not help you find a purpose in life, it will not help you change and it certainly will not help you move away from the past. If you cannot love yourself, why the hell would you expect others to?

I wish you the best of luck,
Sincerely,
MAtty