Dear slp1214:

We tend very much to believe in what we wish was true. When what is true is not comfortable to believe in, when it causes us anxiety to think about it… we choose to ignore it. This is because we turn away from what scares us, from what is painful to be aware of. And then we fit our thinking around not being fully aware of reality.

When he doesn’t follow through with what he says he will do, especially after you repeatedly pointed it out to him, that is him being not trustworthy, not dependable, not reliable.

So you ignore it and call him trustworthy. Then you fit in your thinking to accommodate this untruth by thinking to yourself: well, he hasn’t been untrustworthy in BIG ways.

But his “small” ways of being untrustworthy are causing you big distress. This means he is being untrustworthy in… big ways, not small ways.

And when he is repeatedly untrustworthy in “small” ways, how can you trust him in the big issues of life?

Well, it is scary to trust someone who is not trustworthy, to depend on someone who is not dependable.

I would say if indeed he has been untrustworthy repeatedly and after you pointed it out to him, then he is not the boyfriend for you. Not if you are interested in peace of mind.

Looking at the title of your thread, compromising your emotional well being, your peace of mind, your feeling of safety in the relationship (something we all need)- is not reasonable. So I would stand my ground, if I was you, stand on solid ground by removing the one shaking it.

What do you think?

anita