Dear grundfield:

If you could come to a place in your head where you can listen to her like a friend, that is, if you can weaken your fear of divorce and become her friend at this point, a friend who is not invested in getting back with her as a married couple, IF you are able and express that to her, then she is more likely to be motivated to share with you what is going on.

She wants the therapy for herself alone because she wants to express things there that she doesn’t want you to hear, could be about her life before you met her and her life with you, involving you.

I think that your best bet is to see if you can become that friend. What do you have to lose? You are already separated; the marriage might not be revived. You are currently not her partner in marriage, so why not be a friend?

Try to visualize that, see if you can become that, a friend only, so you can be involved as a friend?

anita