Hi, Butterfly0307.

I know the emotional pain and anxiety that go along with the push-pull cycle are terrible. I’m sorry that you are experiencing that.

One of the things that helped me put things in perspective, and ultimately find a way to effectively deal with it, was research. The more I researched her behaviors, the more I understood what was going on and why. Once I narrowed her behaviors down to a few possibilities, I started researching what the best books were on the subjects, and then I bought the books and read them.

I also found several resources on the web that were helpful.

Most of the material I found in books and on the web, all discuss the things you mention: off and on (push-pull cycle), the lack of health in the relationship; ceasing all contact; the desire for closure and how the person with the disorder often doesn’t care at all about closure or understanding how he or she hurt the other person; the possibility (or significant lack of possibility) of being friends; and the desire to understand why someone can repeatedly hurt another apparently with no remorse.

You may find it to your benefit to research borderline personality disorder (BPD), and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

I hope all the best for you.

CMI