Dear clinthat:

The person who sexually abused you when you were five- was that a parent? Another sibling… uncle? The position that person had in your life is very important to what affect it had on you and in trying to understand more about what happened.

Regarding trying to understand the motivation of an adult who sexually or otherwise abuses a five year old:

It is most often, if not always, that an abusive adult was abused as a child. Abuse is very common and it often enough, unfortunately leads to abuse. But the person doing the abuse is not a passive vehicle of abuse, an innocent party automatically passing on the abuse to the next generation. There is some personal responsibility there.

So as much as you may find out about the abuser’s abuse, you will get again and again to this point: how could he/ she looked into the innocent face of a five year old, a five year old looking up to that adult with love and trust and complete vulnerability, and then proceed to betray that trust, to shatter that little heart, to inflict such massive suffering on that little boy or girl that he/she may never recover or if taking on healing and recovery, it would take years. How could the abuser do that?

Especially if done repeatedly and with no effort since to help if only a bit in healing the injury caused?

How could the abuser keep living without confessing, coming clean, offering to do anything possible to correct?

Please do post again with your thoughts/ feelings… and congratulations for taking on healing. Your relationship with your supportive wife is the most valuable thing you have and need to continue and persist in your healing- treat her well, take care of the relationship with her.

anita