Hello, selkied.

What a relief to read your post! I am in a similar place. I’m in my early 40’s, an introvert (identify as INFJ), have some emotional and verbal abuse in my past, and find it difficult to really connect with people. I’ve done a lot of soul searching over the last couple of years recovering from CPTSD and the end of a significant relationship. While I have stopped getting involved with people that are outright abusive, I have noticed, just recently, a pattern of finding myself in relationships with people that end up using me one way or another. I’ve had to let go of my last two ‘friendships’ because of this which leaves me friendless at the moment. While I still have a circle of acquaintances and family, it’s a bit lonely and scary. However, it is forcing me to finally learn how to be a real friend to myself and be more discerning about the people I invite into my life. My research into being an INFJ helped me realize that finding people to connect with will be difficult because that personality type is rare and seeks deep connection. That has taken some of the pressure off. During this period of solitude, I am discovering interests and other things about myself that I wouldn’t have otherwise (I am in the process of reclaiming my creativity) and am working on nurturing those aspects. I have hope that the more solid I become in myself, eventually, at the right time, I’ll come across the kindred spirits that are meant to be in my life. It might just take awhile. I guess not much advice here but hope that I at least let you know that you’re not alone even if it feels that way.