Dear CMI:

Good read. I am motivated to think further on this part of your post: “compassion is a risk to the person extending the compassion, and perhaps to the person being shown compassion”-

Empathy or compassion is a risk to the person extending the compassion, I agree, very much so. When a child feels empathy for a suffering parent, the child is likely to proceed with attempts to ease the suffering of the parent by negating his own needs and focusing only on the needs of the parent, establishing a pattern of people pleasing, what is called by some “co-dependence”- and living one life FOR another person, sacrifice. Much misery involved, a whole lot.

When you feel empathy for a person who is engaged in hurting you, be it a parent or girlfriend, this is also very risky, or dangerous. When you put yourself in the shoes of the person abusing you, understanding her motives, giving her leeway, you are taking indeed her side… against you: if a person acts against you and you take her side, you are, by definition, against yourself.

Empathy works in the context of Win-Win interactions and relationships.

anita