Dear Anita:

Those are some good ideas. We did talk about our past relationships, but nothing rang any alarm bells at the time.

As I found out later in the relationship, after the behavioral issues manifested themselves, she literally prided herself on hiding things from everyone (although she wasn’t nearly as good at hiding as she thought she was). With that kind of mentality, I’m not sure such a person’s responses would be very indicative of his/her true thoughts anway. If a person is intent on actively hiding a disorder (which she was), particularly a disorder that could have a negative and destructive impact on one’s partner, and if a person prides him/herself on hiding things, I’m not sure a partner, or prospective partner (especially someone who has never encountered such a situation before), could ever be fully prepared or forewarned against such deceit.

I am much more attuned to the clues now, though. As I said: a learning experience.

Have a good evening.

CMI